fish fingers and mustard

Can’t believe I’m doing this. 

‘Dear Santa...’
Please do not let anyone walk in right now... 

‘Thank you for the dolls, and the pencils, and the fish. It's Easter now, so I hope I didn't wake you, but honest, it is an emergency.’ 

Got that bit right. My credibility is dying here. Somebody call for a doctor. 

‘There's a crack in my wall.’ 

And I wish it would swallow me up. 


Look at me though, down on my knees at the edge of the bed like I was a kid again. Can’t remember the last time I prayed to anyone, let alone Santa. Must be getting desperate. 

Honestly though, what am I doing? I mean, this stuff was cute at seven maybe, but at what, almost seventeen? Not quite so much.

Still. You went and started this thing kiddo, might as well finish it. Back to the script... 

‘Aunt Sharon says it's just an ordinary crack, but I know it's not, because at night there are voices.’ 

Laughing their heads off, probably. 

‘So please, please could you send someone to fix it. Or a policeman. Or...’ 

And, cue Police Box... 

Nope. Didn’t think so.

Honestly, leave me in this house on my own for five minutes and I'm dangerous. Thinking I could just say the words again and he’d just drop in from the sky... 

Must be crazy.

Pretty popular opinion that one actually. Not exactly been a shortage of people wanting to poke around in my head since I last saw the Doctor. I ever see him again I’ll be sure to let him know how it all worked out, believe me. 

‘Back in five minutes.’ 

Such a liar. 

You know what? This room needs a clear out. Enough with all the, “Raggedy Doctors” everywhere. No more schoolgirl shrine. Time to grow up and face the facts, Amy Pond.

You got stood up. 

You got stood up and you need to move on.

I mean, a girl can only wait so long you know. 

Hang around a while and you start doing crazy stuff like praying to Santa at the end of the bed like you were -


is that...?

no way 

that sound

No. Way. 

that sound...

it sounds like... 


What the - 

‘Back in a moment.’ 

Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm... It might just be the wind, come on, stay calm and check the wind OH MY GOD! IT’S REALLY HIM! IT IS! IT’S THE DOCTOR! HE’S HERE! 

And he just really killed the shed again...

Okay, okay, okay. What do I do? 

You get a grip, all right?

Don’t panic. Don’t blow your cool. 

You’ve run this through in your head a thousand times. You’re gonna be fine.

Wow, but really though. 

The Doctor’s here. The Doctor’s here at last.

Forget about Easter kiddo. This is Christmas! 

Oh, and - 

‘Thank you Santa!’ 

Pretty cold out here tonight, makes me think I should’ve maybe stopped five seconds, thrown on something warmer. Let’s face it, school uniforms aren’t exactly known for their thermal heating ability. Especially not the way I wear them... 

Focus, idiot. Forget about the fashion show. This is the Doctor we’re talking about. He doesn’t care what you’re wearing, alright?

Besides, no time to mess around with outfits anyway. Only just about managed to fix up my hair... 



That is some impressive landscape gardening action.

Not the kind of thing you look for in a shed I suppose, the ability to withstand a Police Box bombardment. Definitely a gap in the market if you’re gonna garden in Leadworth. 

Least he missed the potted plants this time, must’ve been taking driving lessons. Maybe that’s why he’s been away for so long, trying to pass his test. Should’ve lent him my skirt, he’d have passed it first go...

Okay, seriously rambling now. Nervous, why the hell am I nervous? 

This is the Doctor. He’s come back for me, just like he said he would. A little later than he said he would, sure, but he’s here now, right? Here somewhere anyway... 


Get a load of that vibration; never actually touched a time machine before. Feels alive. Not that it looks that way right now, lying crashed out on its backside, again.

And I thought my parking was bad... 

‘Doctor, are you in there?’ 

I’m guessing not. Doors are open, grappling hooks been deployed. 

Means the Doctor’s already out here...

Must be mad if he is though, bloody freezing. Can even see your breath. 

Especially if it’s orange and made out of space dust...

Over there, another cloud of the stuff, where’s it coming from? Behind the tree? 


Either way it’s definitely the same stuff as last time. Like someone puked a bunch of Tinkerbelles. Not the sort of thing you forget. 

Especially when you know what it means... 


Hope he doesn’t have a craving for apples again. I mean, I have one if he wants it, it’s just that Mum keeps carving faces in them which is actually pretty embarrassing at her age.

Plus, you know, school uniform; mixed messages.


Okay, so, there, between the trees. Is that...? 

‘Doctor..? Is that you...?’ 

‘Hmm, I don’t know – '

Sexy voice if it is him... 

‘ - I mean, I did just drop out of the sky in a burning blue Police Box, but what do I know? Maybe all the cool kids are doing that nowadays.’

‘Not on a school night they don’t...’ 

Really, that’s the best you can do? “School night”? What are you, seven? 

‘Well then – ‘ 

His voice is moving. Where is he? 

‘- I guess that must make me the Doctor.’ 

Behind you idiot! Turn around and -



Okay, so... “Jazz hands” and “Ta-dah” excluded... 

Generally hot.

Bit of bad boy stubble, bit of “I just fell out of bed, wanna help me back in?” hair, whole lot of devil in the smile. Not sure about the Victorian page boy wrapping paper, but the parcel’s definitely worth investigating. 

Though why he is still just stood there smiling at me?

Because you’re staring back at him, like a slack jawed Muppet, maybe...? 

Quick, you moron. Say something cool. 

‘New face.’ 

Great job Pond. Bravo. That didn’t suck at all. 

‘New everything, what do you think?’