I think you’re pretty
fine but I’m not gonna let you know that...
So get off the back foot, dummy. Far as he’s concerned, you’ve been waiting out here with a suitcase all your life. Go get him, tiger.
‘I think you took your time.’
‘Nope, my time got taken. There’s a difference.’
‘Still means you’re late.’
‘Oh, and I intend to make up for it. Starting… now.’
So get off the back foot, dummy. Far as he’s concerned, you’ve been waiting out here with a suitcase all your life. Go get him, tiger.
‘I think you took your time.’
‘Nope, my time got taken. There’s a difference.’
‘Still means you’re late.’
‘Oh, and I intend to make up for it. Starting… now.’
What the hell did he
just put in my hand?
‘Present for you, hope you like it. I put a lot of thought
into it.’
Oh. Great, an antique
pocket watch, just what every girl dreams of. Nah, can’t just be that though
can it? This is the Doctor. Plus, all those weird symbols, like... Oh, okay,
fine. I’ll just ask.
‘So what is it?’
‘Broken.’
Oh. “Ha” very much.
Okay then Doctor. Hope
you packed your suitcase, ‘cause I’m about to send you on a guilt trip...
‘You’re telling me. You said you’d be five minutes.’
‘And when did I say that?’
‘Ten years ago.’
‘Did I now? Oh well, there I go again, letting people down,
all those tiny little lives, so sad. Bad, Doctor.’
Well that was a
shorter trip than I thought it’d be. Like all he cares about is that bloody
Police Box he keeps looking at. And what is with that outfit? Time to find out
‘So where’ve you been all this time? The planet, Dickensia?’
‘Had a bit of car trouble.’
Yeah sure, like I’m
gonna fall for that one.
‘Oh yeah, like how?’
‘Like zero car. Lots of trouble. You know you ask an awful
lot of questions.’
‘I’ve had an awful lot of time to think them up.’
Yeah, that’s right.
Just ‘cause you drop out the sky in a time machine looking like a sexy Bob
Cratchit don’t think I’m just going to stand here and listen to your excu -
‘There was a war on and I got stranded.’
Okay then, opening up,
at last. Now this is progress...
‘Washed up on the shores of the Silver Devastation, which,
by the way, is nowhere near as devastating as it thinks it is. I’m like an old
man out there, it’s so dull. Honestly, I was out of my mind! Then, bam! The
TARDIS shows up, and I’m like my old self again! I clock off, I get changed,
and yada, yada, yana, here I am. Wherever here is...’
Wait a minute, rewind.
You mean -
‘You don’t remember?’
‘Well... You know what it’s like. You get past 900 and all
the sheds in your life start to blur into one...’
Forget the bloody
shed. I mean -
‘You don’t remember me?’
‘Sheds, people, whatever. Why? Any reason I should?’
If you have to ask, then I guess the answer’s -
‘no...’
‘So why did she bring me here, of all the places in the universe,
why?’
Safe to say this isn’t
how I’ve seen this playing out all those times in my head. I’m like an
afterthought to him. Not even that probably. Unless you’re 6’4”, blue, and made
out of wood, right now you might as well be invisible.
Though, if he can
still hear me -
‘Maybe she knows I’ll take care of you.’
Okay. That got his
attention. Maybe too much attention?
‘Oh really?’
Just got a chill down
my spine, not sure it’s to do with the temperature... Maybe it’s that “bad boy”
scowl he’s got going on.
‘And how do you intend to... “take care”... of me?’
And now his skin is
back to glowing, as if this wasn’t freaky enough. Except -
Of course.
New face.
That’ll be why he’s
cranky.
Well, that’s easy.
I know just how to put
an end to that mood...
‘You’re still cooking.’
‘So?’
‘So, you must be hungry.’
Okay, so off the menu
so far we’ve had:
Half of an apple, all
of my Easter egg, a spoonful of baked beans, an entire grilled cheese sandwich,
a swig of some orange juice, a lick of the mustard, an accusation of poisoning,
and a mouthful of muesli. Oh, and lashings of sarcasm, which is the only part
of the meal he’s actually bothered to dish out.
Still, at least we
actually got past the baked beans before he accused me of trying to poison him.
Good to see I’m improving...
‘Oh airs or um an add?’
Nope. I have no idea
what he’s trying to say, which is gonna happen when you try and talk with a
face full of “All-Bran.'
‘Say again?’
‘Say again?’
‘Aye edd –‘
And, swallow...
‘-- So where’s your Mum and Dad?’
And wipe your mouth with
your cravat. Smooth.
‘They’ve gone out to rent a movie.’
‘Well isn’t that a relief? For a horrible second there I thought you were going to say you’re an orphan.’
‘Well isn’t that a relief? For a horrible second there I thought you were going to say you’re an orphan.’
Wow, he really has
forgotten everything about my life hasn’t he? It’s like he ditched his old
memories same time he ditched his old face. Hey, what do I know, maybe that’s
what he does. I mean, if you’re gonna just abandon everybody all your life, you
probably want to forget...
Doesn’t mean I’m not
going to remind him.
‘No, I’ve got parents alright.’
‘Good to know.’
‘Yeah, they are.’
‘Because I just hate orphans! Always so needy, the whole
bloody lot of them. And this desire of theirs to burst into song, what’s that
all about? I tell you, next one that tries that with me, only thing they’ll burst
into is flames.’
Okay so that was a
joke right? I think he’s joking...
‘I’m joking! Of course, silly, I’m the Doctor. Of course I
love orphans! I mean, I must’ve made about a million of them! The little
scamps.’
‘Funny.’
‘Am I? Good. Funny’s good isn’t it?’
‘Funny "ha ha," yeah. Funny "weird" not
so much.’
‘So which one am I?’
I can smell the
electricity coming off of his skin. Guess I should really stop him coming so
close, tell him I’m -
‘Not really sure right now...’
Only, now he’s just
staring at me, those eyes that have probably seen all forever, that wicked
smile playing over his lips and the only thing between us in the whole of time
and space is -
‘Fruitcake?’
Yep, that’s right. I
just offered fruitcake to the Doctor. It’s been that kind of a day...
‘Don’t mind if I do.’
And there it goes, the
last piece.
Only thing left to do
now is talk.
‘So, dropping in like this. It was just an accident?’
‘Bit of a falling out with the TARDIS. But then I climbed
back in and here we are! Just need to get the steering wheel unlocked and I’m -
mmm...’
I think he likes the
fruitcake.
‘Mmmm!’
Yep. Definitely likes
the fruitcake. Uh oh, look out; he’s off, spinning back round the kitchen...
‘This is good. This is really good. I can feel the juices flowing;
feel my appetite coming back to me. I’m hungry now, hungry for all of it!’
‘Well we’re out of the custard, but I could still do fish
fingers...’
‘What do I look like, insane?’